How do you deal with a cancer diagnosis at 26? You’re in the prime of your life and you just got told you’re going to be knocked down. How do you become ok with being told your infertility treatments will need to cease. Let me tell you, you don’t.
Up until the minute I was told I was pregnant, I cried. I was scared to start in-patient chemo. What I was more scared for though, was not becoming a mother.
I was already devoting my life to my step-daughter. I have treated her like my own; even though that’s not politically correct according to some. I loved her more because I thought she was the closest thing I’d ever have to my own child.
So how did this cancer diagnosis even become a thing? Have you ever had a Charlie horse and hit your funny bone at the same time? I sure hope not, but that’s the closest thing to describe the feeling in my leg. It just wouldn‘t go away. I was consuming around 3,000 mg of Tylenol and 1,200 mg of Advil just to sleep and be able to walk. There came a time where I couldn’t function and that’s when I finally went to the doctor.
The first orthopedic told me it was just a muscle sprain. Ok, cool. NBD. However, the pain continued to get worse and led me to seeing another orthopedic. This one spent less than five minutes with me and ordered an MRI. We were at least headed in the right direction, but I wasn’t happy with his manners.
I went and got the MRI and the results came back as abnormal bone marrow signal. No orthopedic would tell me much, but they sent me to a specialist. A specialist I didn’t know specialized in cancer. An orthopedic oncologist.
After more MRI’s, a CT, tests with contrast, three needle biopsies, a PET scan(no you don’t get to pet anything), and an open biopsy, I was confirmed to have cancer. It wasn’t an infection like what was thought to have been a possibility.
I knew it was probably cancer in my gut, but that’s still a call no one wants to get. I was home alone. I called my husband, my mom, then my dad. I got no further and had a breakdown. I mentally couldn’t handle I had cancer. It’s been two years and I still haven’t grasped I had cancer.
Mentally and physically cancer ruins you. Try having cancer and being pregnant. Hello, post-partum depression and anxiety! I’m a hot mess express these days. All I hope is that for someone to look at this and say wow, she didn’t give up so maybe I shouldn’t either.
There were many days I wanted to lay in bed and not get up. There were many times I wanted to quit life. I had enough. However, I knew if I did nothing would get done. The kids wouldn’t have a mom. Others than just me would suffer from that decision.
I’ve learned you just have to keep going no matter what. Life can’t be crappy forever.